Familiarity Breeds Contempt—Part I

Charles de Gaulle once said, “There can be no prestige without mystery, for familiarity breeds contempt.”

 

So, does familiarity breed contempt? The answer is a resounding “yes”!

 

For as long as I can remember, my mother drilled this into me. She would always warn me to be careful of what I tell people because it might come back to haunt me someday. But, for some reason, the lives of millions are an open book today. Social networking sites such as MySpace and Facebook are becoming stages for people to chronicle their lives for all to see.

I find it hard to open a newspaper or watch the news without some story about how someone lost his or her job or missed a promotion because of something he or she displayed to the world without any thought as to how the public would view it.

 

For the sake of this article, I am particularly critical of teachers, but regardless of the profession, the issue is valid for anyone in a position of authority—from public officials to doctors and lawyers to your boss or even you.

 

In the academic world, overfamiliarity of students and teachers can and generally does lead to contempt of one for the other. It is human nature to be curious about other people. Magazines such as People or Us, along with social networking sites, have raised this level of curiosity to an art form.

 

At its core, the concept of “familiarity breeds contempt” is based on the idea that the more we know about an authority figure such as a teacher, on a personal level, the more likely we are to find fault with him or her.

 

Of particular concern is when parents and students learn too much about a teacher. As is human nature, people begin to formulate a mental image of the teacher and then compare that mental image to their own image, often jumping to conclusions or making assumptions based on the available information.

 

As a parent, I have often heard stories from my children about their teachers, but on one particular instance, my child arrived home and enjoyed telling me all about his teacher’s weekend with her boyfriend. My child went on about the margaritas they enjoyed, the beach parties, and countless other details.

 

From that point on, I found it very difficult to take anything the teacher had to say seriously. Based on this and other information I learned through my child, I found myself questioning this teacher’s abilities to educate my child effectively. To make a long story short, I discussed it with the school, changes were made, and apologies given. But, as my mother would say, the damage has been done.

 

Granted this example is most likely the exception, but from my experiences, many teachers, as well as managers and employees in all professions, have a tendency to offer way too much insight into their personal lives.

 

From political positions to religious beliefs or environmental issues to how much they drink over the weekend, this information when distributed to students or coworkers, regardless of your profession, can be fodder for others to become too familiar with you.

 

Once the proverbial cat is out of the bag, people will begin to judge you based on that information. Some may question if you are even qualified to perform your job or hold a position of authority.

 

Just ask student teacher Stacy Snyder who, in May of 2006, was denied a teaching degree upon graduation from Millersville University in Pennsylvania because she posted a photo of herself on her private MySpace site that she titled, “Drunken Pirate,” in which she can be seen wearing a pirate hat and drinking from a plastic cup. The courts ruled that, as a student teacher and an employee of the school, she is an authority figure, has a moral obligation to set an appropriate example, and such a photo sends the wrong message to students.

 

Teachers are not the only group of professionals to lose their jobs over personal postings on social networks. The lists of professionals include police officers, judges, restaurant managers, and even Wal-Mart employees. No one is immune to the consequences of poor judgment.

 

Regardless of whether you agree with these cases or not, you cannot control what other people will think of you based on information they hear from students or friends or read about you on social networking sites.

 

My primary reference in this article has been teachers, but this scenario has played itself out among musicians, politicians, and high-profile executives from Adelphia Cable to Enron to WorldCom. There is no doubt in my mind that people the world over will continue to be disappointed in someone because of becoming too familiar.

 

In my next article, I will discuss how allowing others to become too familiar with you can severely limit your employment prospects.